Dear Dr. Oz
We have to stop seeing each other. At least, I have to stop seeing you. At first, it seemed like a great relationship. You really seemed to want the best for me. I still think your motives are good, but it’s just not working for me anymore. Every day, there’s something new you want me to try. Kelp for weight loss, olive oil for a healthy heart (and hair), natural facial masks. My grocery bill is out of control, Dr. Oz!
And then there are the challenges. I just can’t keep up with you. I’m in the middle of the sugar detox challenge and you introduce an energy challenge. Holy hell! I can’t do both. Which one is more important?!? I don’t know what you want from me anymore.
The real problem, though, is that I’m just too paranoid to keep seeing you. Oral Cancer: The Scary Truth? Really, Dr. Oz? Damn right, it’s the scary truth. But maybe I don’t need the scary truth about everything. Maybe I don’t have to convince myself every day that I’m dying of some new scary disease. Maybe I don’t need to screen myself for everything.
Things were better when we had a casual thing going. I liked seeing you on Oprah from time to time. I just don’t think we’re suited to something long-term.
I hope you don’t take this personally, Dr. Oz. There are plenty of fat Americans in the sea. Go help them. As for me, as soon as I’m done your sugar detox, I’m performing a Dr. Oz detox.
Dani